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The Curse of Monkey Island Walkthrough Walkthrough, Hints and Tips for PC Games.

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 The Curse of Monkey Island Walkthrough

 
   
 
 
The Curse of Monkey Island Walkthrough

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*******************************************************************************
**====================================***====================================**
**                            Table of Contents                              **
**====================================***====================================**
*******************************************************************************

                     1. - Walkthrough
                     2. - Mega Monkey Mode Walkthrough
                     3. - Insult Sword Fighting
                     4. - Items List
                     5. - Song Lyrics
                     6. - Outro

          
*******************************************************************************
**====================================***====================================**
** 1. - The Curse of Monkey Island Walkthrough                               **
**====================================***====================================**
*******************************************************************************


**------------------------------------**-------------------------------------**
** Prologue                                                                  **
**------------------------------------**-------------------------------------**

Guybrush floats in the middle of the Caribbean Sea in a dodgem car. He writes a 
diary and recalls his adventures previous to this happening. He tells of all 
life as a pirate and of his lovely wife Elaine. He wishes for food and drink, 
but he is too wrapped up in his writing to notice there are some floating by 
^_^. He floats into a sea-battle between the zombie ghost pirate LeChuck and 
Elaine Marley. LeChuck spots Guybrush and brings him aboard his ship.

Note: I wrote this walkthrough from the same sheets as the hard mode one, just 
edited slightly cutting out the parts not needed. Both walkthroughs might be 
kinda the same in wording.

**------------------------------------***------------------------------------**
** Part One - The Demise of LeChuck                                          **
**------------------------------------***------------------------------------**

You will wake up and find yourself lying on the floor in LeChuck's ship. A 
small pirate is there, but when you go near, he draws a pistol and points it at 
you. Talk to him. You will find out he is Bloodnose the pirate, but he was 
Wally before. Wally, you first met in MI2 in LeChuck's dungeon. Talk to Wally 
and insult him about how bad a pirate he is. When the option of "Snap out of it 
Wally!" becomes available, say it twice. After, "You're a failure of a 
pirate..." When he breaks down and starts crying, pick up the plastic hook he 
dropped. Pick up the rod in the back. Put the plastic hook on the rod. Look out 
the porthole.
Pick up the skeleton arm via the rod you have with you, and you will receive a 
cutlass (sword). Talk to Murray for a while for no reason, mainly because he's 
funny. Return to the hold. Use the cutlass with the cannon restraint rope. Fire 
the cannon. 

Cut-Scene: LeChuck grins at his evil-ness when he holds the Voodoo cannon ball 
in his hands. Elaine looks on in horror as the ship capsizes and floats onto 
its underside. 

Guybrush wakes up in LeChuck's treasure hold. Pick up the brown bag of wooden 
nickels next to the portrait. Pick up the diamond ring beneath it. Use the 
diamond ring with the porthole. 

Cut-Scene: Guybrush floats to the top of the ship and eventually makes it 
towards shore. He finds Elaine and talks to her, eventually proposing to her 
with the ring he found in the hold. Soon afterwards, Wally walks by. He 
mentions how Elaine's ring looks oddly like the cursed ring LeChuck had in his 
hold. Elaine gets mad and swings back to hit Guybrush. Before she can connect, 
however, she turns into solid gold.

**------------------------------------***------------------------------------**
** Part Two - The Curse Gets Worse                                           **
**------------------------------------***------------------------------------**

Guybrush freaks out. Leave the beach and go to the world map. Go to the ship in 
the swamp. Talk to Murray for a bit more and then go into the ship. Pick up the 
voodoo pin on the paper doll. Use one of the wooden nickels in the candy 
machine nearby and pick up the back of gum you receive. Pull the alligator's 
tongue.

The voodoo lady from the previous Monkey Island games appears and Guybrush will 
recognize her. Speak to her about Elaine. When she asks where Guybrush has 
hidden Elaine, Guybrush runs off in an attempt to find her. He arrives to 
discover a pirate ship has just stolen Elaine and is sailing away. He returns 
to the swamp to receive more help on the matter. Talk to the voodoo lady about 
whatever you want. Actually, talk about everything really, just to get a grasp 
on the whole point of the game and why you're going on this crazy adventure. 
You will find that you must travel to find a ring of greater value than the one 
placed on Elaine to break the curse. The Voodoo Lady speaks of one on Blood 
Island, and this is where you'll go. Before leaving, however, you must find a 
map to Blood Island, a vessel to travel in and three crewmembers able to man 
the ship. When you're done talking to the Lady, go to Puerto Pollo.

Walk to the town hall and go in the side door. Pick up the dandruff on the 
coat. Open the pocket of the coat and pick up the glove. Pick up the magic wand 
and use it with the magic hat for some on-screen entertainment. Pick up the 
book that appears and then leave. Go to the docks/quay at the bottom of the 
screen. Go in the door below the sign that says 'Barbery Coast'. When Guybrush 
is done blurting out everything about his quest. You will notice that the red 
haired pirate lifts and places down a comb while cutting the French pirate's 
hair. When he puts it down, quickly put the lice on it. Haggis will think 
Rottingham has been infected with the 'Hair Demons' and will get rash, cut off 
all the pirate's hair. Ask Haggis for a haircut. 
        When you're sitting down on the Barber's chair, use the handle at the 
side once. Pick up the paperweight on the table. When Haggis goes to find a new 
one, use the handle on the side again three times. Pick up the scissors that's 
stuck in the roof and lower yourself again. Haggis will return and say how he 
will have to do Guybrush's haircut from memory, so Guybrush will pretend you 
have another appointment and leave. Use the glove with the tall pirate in the 
left corner and challenge him to a duel. Go to the field of honour.

Close the middle pistol box. Open the banjo case behind.

Mini-Game. The point of the game is to match whatever Edward Van Helgan does 
with his banjo. You will notice that he plucks a string at the end of every 
riff/melody/banjo-playing. Remember these and try to match him when the time 
comes.  

After the third attempt at trying to beat you, he will start playing an 
electric guitar solo, and Guybrush confers that he will never beat him and 
drops his banjo. Go to the gun pile and pick up a pistol. Shoot the duelling 
banjo in Ed's hand. Van Helgan will say that the shot was pirate-like in 
lowness, and then will join your crew. Leave the barbershop and go to the left 
side of town. Use the scissors with the undergrowth beside the Lemonade stand. 
Pick up the flower and use the scissors once more. Continue along the path. 
         When you reach the snake crossing, walk by it. You will be eaten by 
the snake and will be left alive inside its body until you digest. Pick up the 
Faberge Egg and vacuum cleaner attachments. Pick up the Lot's O Stuff also. 
Look in your inventory and use the Ipecac flower with the jug of syrup. Use the 
Ipecac syrup with the snake's head. The snake will throw up and you will find 
yourself in a quicksand pit >_<. 

Pick up a thorn from the thorny plant. Pick up the reed from the side. Use the 
thorn with the hollow reed in your inventory. Use the helium balloon with the 
paperweight. Blow the balloon and it will go in place next to a tree. Use the 
peashooter with the balloon and heave yourself free. You will make your way to 
Danjer Cover. Leave Danjer Cove for the moment and return to Puerto Pollo. Go 
to the shop before the bridge. Enter. Give Blondebeard your reservation slip 
and go over to the quiet patron. Push the quiet patron and you will find he is 
a Grim-Fandango-like skeleton (Excellent game, if I do say so myself :D). 
Blondebeard will mention that he complained about his chicken :/. Anyways, pick 
up the club card in the ribcage of the chicken. Pick up the serrated knife out 
of the back of the patron. Leave Puerto Pollo and go to the beach.
       Show the club card to the Cabana Boy. Pick up three towels from the pile 
and dip them in the ice bucket. Use one of the towels with the cabana boy. Pick 
up the bottle of cooking oil and go onto the beach. Use the three towels with 
the hot sand and walk across them. Pick up the mug off the sunbather. Open the 
gate and leave Brimstone Beach.

Go to Puerto Pollo and to the lemonade stand. Switch the mug with the mug on 
the stand. Ask for some lemonade and you will find that the mug Kenny used 
before was bottomless... Anyway, he will run off when you drink the lemonade. 
Pick up the jug and dip it in the dye vats. Walk to the far side of town and go 
beneath the arch. Walk behind the grassy knoll. Use the bread knife to cut the 
sawhorse. Use the ember with the trail of rum and you will be exploded (XD) out 
of the sports field and back into the town... Go to the barbershop again. 
       Talk to Haggis about joining your crew to Blood Island. He will accept, 
but only if you can defeat him in the Scottish sport of Caber Tossing. Agree to 
the proposition and go to 'the field of honour'. Guybrush will win as the caber 
he tossed ("Nobody tosses a dwarf!") was made of rubber. Haggis will be 
astounded by Threepwood's strength and will join the crew. Leave and go to 
Danjer Cove.

Go to the rowboat, which is on the left-hand side of the beach. Use it and row 
to the ship, which is anchored in the bay. Before boarding the ship, cut the 
plank above you head off with the serrated bread knife. Board the ship then and 
you will meet Mr. Fossey. He will decide to punish you for boarding their ship 
by tarring and feathering you. Once you are done, get back in the boat and row 
back to Plunder Island and go to Puerto Pollo. Go to Blondebeard's shop. He 
will think you are a seven-foot-tall chicken going by the name of 'El Pollo 
Diablo' from previous encounters and hit you over the head with a frying pan, 
knocking you out. 
      You will wake up in the Sea Cucumber in a chicken pot. Luckily, the huge 
amounts of chicken grease in the pot has washed off the feathers from your 
body. Use the ventriloquism book with Captain LeChimp. Once Fossey goes, 
Guybrush will take the map. Leave the ship. Go to the town hall. Travel up the 
stairs to the lighting control panel. Look at the directions and write them 
down on some paper. They should say something like this:

South East
North West
West
South 
East
Two paces North East
East
South West.

X marks the spot!

Anyway, look at the red-buttoned panel on the screen. You will see that there 
are nine buttons on it. If your directions are like the ones above you should 
key in:

Bottom right button
Top Left button 
Middle Left button
Bottom middle button
Middle right button
Top right button
Top right button
Middle right button
Bottom Left button

If the directions are different, just key in the directions using the same 
system like the one above.

Once you get Guybrush to say "That must be where they've buried Elaine!", 
return downstairs. Use the chicken grease with the cannon balls in the trunk 
and wait for the actor to start his juggling trick. Both actors will end up 
going offstage. Once he has, go on the stage and use the shovel. All that you 
need now is another crewmember. Go to the barbershop. Pick up the candy on the 
ground and travel to Blondebeard's restaurant. Give him the jawbreaker. Once he 
makes his gold tooth loose, give him some gum. When he blows a bubble, pop it 
with the voodoo pin. Pick up the gold tooth on the floor and leave. Go back to 
the barbershop and give the tooth to the salty pirate in the corner. He will 
think you actually CAN find treasure and will join your crew. Automatically 
part three will start:

**------------------------------------***------------------------------------**
** Part Three - Three Sheets To The Wind                                     **
**------------------------------------***------------------------------------**

Insert Disc II and get on with it. After a little while of sailing, a ship will 
start following you and it's captain will eventually board Guybrush's ship. It 
turns out to be Captain Rottingham, now completely bald :D. He will teach you a 
little about sword fighting, which I recommend you listen to. Thirteen seconds 
later, he will have beaten you, and will force you to give up your map to Blood 
Island. After the battle, your crew will appear and start singing a pirate 
song.

To view the lyrics to the song, view the Song Lyrics section of this guide. To 
get out of the song, use all the speaking options until the option of, "We'll 
surely avoid scurvy if we all eat an orange", appears. When it does, use it. 
That will end the song, as the barbers cannot find a rhyming word with 
'orange'.

See the Insult Sword-Fighting section of this guide for help concerning this
section of the game.

Anyway, once you have acquired some good cannons, challenge Rottingham and beat 
him. Once you do, Guybrush will sail to Blood Island where his ship will go out 
of control and crash on the beach.

Cut-Scene - *A huge storm kicks upon the voyage to Blood Island. Guybrush tries 
to command his crew but the conditions are very poor, and it is tough to keep 
control. Eventually Threepwood lets go of the steering mechanism and blacks out 
in the midst of screaming.*

**------------------------------------***------------------------------------**
** Part Four - The Bartender, The Thieves, His Aunt and Her Lover            **
**------------------------------------***------------------------------------**

When you wake up you will find yourself stranded on Blood Island. Haggis will 
tell you that himself and his partners have made a mutiny and are preparing to 
go back to Plunder Island as barbers. If you ask him about the bottle of lotion 
nearby he mentions that they have run out of tar, so they need a replacement 
supply. Note this. Pick up the bottle on the ground and open it by biting it. 
Go to the cemetery labelled '?'. Walk past the two crypts and down to the dog. 
Pick up the mallet and chisel. Pick up the dog biscuits and pick up some hair 
from the dog. Give a biscuit to the dog. Leave the cemetery and go to the 
windmill.
      Pick up a pepper from the plant outside. Leave and travel to the hotel. 
Enter and open the first door you come to. Pick up the refrigerator magnet and 
use the chisel with the wheel of cheese. Pick up the cheese and exit. Walk past 
the bar and go upstairs. Enter the first door on the left. Use the mallet with 
the nail protruding from the wall. Go outside again and pick up the nail. 
Return downstairs and pick up the loose cushion. Leave and go to the beach. Use 
the cushion with the rocks below the tree. Use the mallet with the tree and 
pick up the egg. Return to the hotel and give the egg, dog hair and pepper to 
the bartender. Before you leave, walk outside the hotel and walk to the right 
of the screen and put some cheese in the metal pot on the barbeque. Go to the 
strange lights near the volcano.
       Pick up the block of tofu on the table behind you. Walk a bit further on 
and pick up the measuring cup and auger. Continue along the path. When you see 
Lemonhead, use the auger with the block of tofu. Put on the mask and talk to 
Lemonhead. After the sacrifice, use the nacho cheese with the volcano god and 
watch it erupt =p. Anyway afterwards, go to the hotel and pick up the metal 
pot. Guybrush will bring it down to Haggis. Pick up the lotion and leave.

Go to the windmill. Open the door. Use the empty jar with the barrel on top. 
Exit and go to the clearing where you will discover Elaine in her golden form. 
Use the lotion with her ring finger and pull the ring off. In your inventory, 
use the chisel with the lid of the jar. Put the jar on the stump below the 
fireflies. When they all go in, use the lid with the jar. Go to the lighthouse 
and put the lantern on the lantern post. Leave for the hotel.
      Talk to Madam Xima. Ask her to tell your fortune five times so you get 
five tarot cards. Pick them up when she's done. Go to the bartender and ask for 
a drink with an umbrella included. In your inventory, use the chisel with the 
bottle of Head-B-Clear. Use the bottle with the drink and get Guybrush to drink 
it. Guybrush will fall unconscious and get buried by the gravedigger, Mort. 

Use the chisel with the coffin to escape from it. He will discover banging 
noises coming from the dead surrounding him. Pick up the nails from the coffin 
and use the chisel with the central coffin. Stan will appear and tell his story 
since the 'unfortunate' incident from before =p... Anyway, leave when he asks 
you to. Return to the hotel and go upstairs. Enter the second room and pull 
down the bed. Use all the nails on it. Pick up the book on the skeleton. Return 
downstairs and talk to the bartender. Tell him how you are a Goodsoup and 
eventually he will think you are a Goodsoup. Go to the cemetery and give your 
gold tooth to Stan.
       Go to the hotel and die again via the same method as par last time. 

This time, you will be buried in the Goodsoup family crypt. Walk to the left, 
past the ghost. Pick up the crowbar on the grave. Walk towards the crack in the 
wall and Murray will startle you. Pick him up when you're done. Look through 
the crack to find Mort in bed. Use the skeleton arm with the lantern. Use the 
lantern with the coffin behind you. Use Murray with the lantern. Once Mort lets 
you free, exit. Murray will leave your company. Go to the hotel. Enter the 
storage room and pick up the death certificate. Walk upstairs and use the 
crowbar with the boarded hole in the bed. Use the crowbar with the bed then.
     After the cut-scene, showing Charles and Minnie getting together, Guybrush 
will appear in the crypt. Pick up the engagement band and leave again. Go to 
Mutual of Stan and Give him the Death Certificate. After you get your insurance 
money, go to the beach. Use the measuring cup with the seawater. Use the voodoo 
pin with the cork and then both with the magnet. Use the cork and pin in the 
measuring cup and give it to the Lost Welshman. Talk to him and ask him to 
bring you to Skull Island.

After a little skit, you will find yourself at the top of Skull Island. Talk to 
the winch operator. Ask him to lower you down into the smuggler's cave. He will 
mess up and you will fall. Use the umbrella to slow your descent. Enter the 
cave. Mention how much money you have and then give your name. No matter what 
you say, King Andre will know your real name. Ask about the diamond and ask how 
you can come up with a deal. Pay to enter. When you get dealt your cards, put 
down the give tarot cards instead. They will become vicious and threaten 
Guybrush. Lafoot soon comes in and blows out the light. Guybrush will steal the 
diamond and escape. He will then get away via the Lost Welshman. 

Put the diamond in the engagement band to form a complete ring. Go to the 
clearing where Elaine is. Put the ring on her finger. 

Cut-Scene: *Guybrush restores Elaine to life. He tells her briefly of what 
happened and then assures her that they'll be fine. Soon after, LeChuck's 
undead soldiers surround them both and bring them to Monkey Island.

**------------------------------------***------------------------------------**
** Part Five - The Kiss of the Spider Monkey                                 **
**------------------------------------***------------------------------------**

You will find yourself on Monkey Island. Guybrush is in a cable car loaded with 
explosives and Elaine is tied up near LeChuck. Converse with LeChuck until he 
turns you into a small, nine-year-old child. Go down to the Carnival of the 
Damned. Talk to Dinghy Dog™. Ask how you can win the prizes on the shelves. He 
will tell you that he has to guess what age or weight you are, and if he's 
incorrect, you'll win. Get him to guess your age. He guesses you are nine, 
though you are really twenty. Choose the anchor as a prize.  
      Put the anchor in a mirrange pie nearby. Get the smelly rat to shoot the 
cannon. The guy looking through the hole will mysteriously get knocked out 
:/... Open the gate and look through the hole. Pick up the mirrange when he 
shoots you. Push Dinghy Dog™ five times. Go to the snowcone stand nearby. Pick 
up the peppermill. Talk to the guy at the stand and ask him for a snowcone. Use 
the pepper, mirrange and finally the hair on the snowcone. Eat it. Guybrush 
returns to full size and goes to kick some LeChuck ass.


**------------------------------------***------------------------------------**
** Part Six - Guybrush Kicks Butt Once Again                                 **
**------------------------------------***------------------------------------**

Note: Sometimes after you have been on one exhibit for more than when more than 
one carriage goes by, LeChuck will come and attack you, forcing you to leave 
the exhibit. 

Get off the rollarcoaster at the first exhibit. Pick up the fallen rope, near 
the hung man. Get back on the rollarcoaster and get off at the next stop. Pick 
up a keg of rum from the piece and get back on the cart to get off at the next 
diorama. Pick up the flask of oil on the lamp and get back on the coaster. Get 
off at the snow monkey exhibit. Walk up the slope and in your inventory; use 
the piece of rope with the flask of oil. Use the keg of rum with the arm of the 
snow monkey. Use the oiled rope with the keg of rum. Return to the lower part 
of the exhibit and wait for LeChuck to come. When he does, wait until he coils 
back to strike you with his fire and use the pepper mill on him. He will sneeze 
a breath of fire, thus setting fire to the rope, which blows up the keg of rum. 
This is the end of the legend of LeChuck.

Congratulations! You have beaten the easy mode of The Curse of Monkey Island! 
Try hard mode next!

*******************************************************************************
**====================================***====================================**
** 2. - Mega-Monkey Mode Walkthrough                                         **
**====================================***====================================**
*******************************************************************************

Mega-Monkey mode is the harder mode of The Curse of Monkey Island game. It 
follows the same storyline and events, but there are a few more puzzles to do, 
which can actually be quite challenging at times. 

**------------------------------------***------------------------------------**
** Prologue                                                                  **
**------------------------------------***------------------------------------**

Guybrush finds himself in the middle of the Caribbean Sea in a dodgem car. He 
writes in his diary how his life has been going since he first became a pirate 
way back in The Secret of Monkey Island. He wishes for food and lusts to get a 
chance to see Elaine once more. His vessel eventually floats into a sea battle 
between Elaine in a fort and LeChuck's ship. LeChuck's crew capture Guybrush 
and put him in the ship's hold.

**------------------------------------***------------------------------------**
** Part One - The Demise of LeChuck                                          **
**------------------------------------***------------------------------------**


You wind up in the hold of LeChuck's ship, below the sea battle. Talk to Wally 
about everything available, mainly focusing on trying to persuade him from not 
being a pirate. Once you say 'Snap Out of it Wally!' twice and then 'You're a 
Failure as a pirate.' He will get mad. Say anything else until he puts down his 
hook and gun and starts crying. Pick up the hook he put down and pick up the 
long rod at the back of the ship. In your inventory, use the hook with the rod. 
Use the cannon. Shoot all of the skeleton ships. Once done, exit that view and 
look out the window near the cannon. Pick up the skeleton arm with the long rod 
and you can knock the skull on the plank (Murray) into the water if you feel 
like it. Use the cutlass with the cannon restraint rope to cut it in two. Fire 
the cannon.

Guybrush fires the cannon and the recoil sends him backwards trough the ship. 
LeChuck releases his voodoo cannon ball, which he drops when Guybrush shakes up 
the ship. Elaine looks on in horror as LeChuck's ship capsizes and turns upside 
down ^_^.

Go to the large section of treasure and pick up the brown bag near the picture. 
Pick up the diamond ring beneath it. Use the diamond ring with the porthole. 

Guybrush floats to the top of the ship and soon after is seen escaping from the 
water to meet up with Elaine on the beach. He talks suspiciously to Elaine and 
eventually proposes to her with the diamond ring he found in LeChuck's hold. 
She accepts. Wally soon comes by and, seeing the overlarge diamond ring on 
Elaine's finger, wonders if it is the cursed voodoo ring that LeChuck had in 
his treasure hold. Elaine swings back to attempt to hit Guybrush, but turns to 
a solid gold statue before she can connect with the attempted punch.

**------------------------------------***------------------------------------**
** Part Two - The Curse Gets Worse                                           **
**------------------------------------***------------------------------------**

Pick up the ember on the ground near the boat debris. GO to the right, past the 
trees and into the mist. On the world map, go to the swamp with the boat in it. 
When Murray the evil demonic skull startles you, stop talking to him and head 
onto the ship. Pull the alligator's tongue and talk to the voodoo lady about 
everything until she asks Guybrush where he hid Elaine. When Guybrush goes back 
to try and retrieve Elaine's solid statue form, he finds her gone, but there is 
a ship sailing away from the scene of the crime. He returns to the voodoo 
lady's shack.

While talking to her, you will discover that you must travel to Blood Island to 
find a large diamond ring, which will be able to break LeChuck's curse. You 
must find a map to Blood Island, a seaworthy ship to carry you there and three 
crewmembers. 

Pick up the skull encrusted voodoo pin from the paper voodoo dolls (Mort: "What 
a relief!") and then pick up the paste. Put one of the wooden nickels in the 
gum machine near the door. Exit the swamp. Go to the village. There is a side 
door into the large building at the top of the town - go inside. Look at the 
pirate coat on the coat rack near the door. Pick up the 'dandruff' on the coat. 
Open the pocket in the coat and pick up the glove inside. Pick up the magic 
wand on the table near the mirror. Use the magic wand with the black hat beside 
it. Guybrush performs some magic and a book appears. Pick it up. Exit.

There is a shop down at the bottom of the town near the dock. Walk inside. 
Guybrush will spill everything about Elaine being golden and the huge giant 
diamond ring. While the large, Scottish red-haired pirate barber is cutting the 
French pirate's hair (Captain Rottingham); he will lift and put down a 
white/grey comb. When it is on the table, use the lice with the comb. Haggis 
will get rash and cut off all the French pirate's hair, thinking Rottingham has 
been infected with "Hair Demons". 
     Talk to the red-haired pirate (Haggis). Say, "I'd like a haircut, please." 
While Haggis is cutting your hair, use the handle on the side of the chair 
once. Pick up the paperweight. While Haggis goes to look for another one, use 
the handle on the side of the chair until you reach the ceiling. Pick up the 
scissors, which is stuck in the ceiling. When Haggis comes back, he will 
mention having to do Guybrush's haircut from memory. Guybrush hastily decides 
to leave. Exit. 

Go to the far left side of the town, near where there is a section of 
undergrowth at the end of a path. Use the barber scissors with the undergrowth 
twice. You will cut your way through and end up on the side of a cliff. Walk 
past the 'snake crossing' sign. A snake will swallow you wholly. Pick up the 
Faberge egg, the vacuum cleaner attachments, and then all the stuff, which is 
in the snake's stomach. Use the ipecac flower with the cup of syrup. Use the 
syrup with the snake's head. The snake will spit you out into a quicksand pit. 
       Once in the quicksand pit, Pick up one of the thorns from the nearby 
plant. An interesting fact is that, if you look at the plaque near the thorny 
plant, it will mention that the word 'papapishou' (sp?) is a native word for 
'ouch'. If you look at the plaque, Guybrush will say 'papapishou', instead of 
'ouch' throughout the whole game. Anywho, pick up the nearby reed. Use the 
thorn with the reed. In your inventory, use the paperweight with one of the 
helium balloons. Blow the balloon. When it reaches its destination, shoot it 
with the peashooter. Guybrush will then be able to free himself, and be able to 
go to Danjer Cove. Leave Danjer Cove, and go to Puerto Pollo. 

Go to Captain Blondbeard's restaurant and show him your reservation slip. Pick 
up one of the biscuits in the barrel near the door and take a bite out of it. 
Push the quiet patron that is seated at the table. Pick up the bread knife in 
his back. Use the maggots from the biscuit with the chicken at the table and 
pick up the club card inside. Pick up the pie pan and the biscuit cutter on the 
left side of the screen. Exit the restaurant. Go to beneath the arch further 
east in the town. Use the biscuit cutter with the middle rubber tree. Go to the 
other side of the grassy knoll. Use the bread knife with the sawhorse. Use the 
ember on stick with the trail of rum. Go to the barber's store. Push the short, 
salty pirate. When he starts to choke, push him again. Pick up the jawbreaker 
that he threw up. Go back to Blondebeard's. 
       Give him the jawbreaker. Give him a stick of chewing gum when he is 
finished that. When he blows a bubble, pop it with the silver voodoo pin in 
your inventory. Pick up the golden tooth. Chew a piece of gum for yourself. Put 
the gold tooth in the chewed gum. Inhale some helium from the balloon. Chew the 
gum with the tooth in it. Try to go outside, and when Blondebeard stops you, he 
will see you don't have the tooth. Exit and then use the pie pan in the mud 
puddle outside near the drainpipe. Pick up the gold tooth. 

Head back to the barber's shop. Give the gold tooth to the salty pirate 
(Cutthroat Bill). Talk to Haggis McMutton and ask him to join your crew. When 
he mentions the caber toss, decide to do it. You will easily win due to your 
caber being rubber, and Haggis will be astounded by your 'strength'. Return to 
the barbershop. Slap the tall, thin pirate with the white glove. He will accept 
your challenge and you will go to the Field of Honour.

Close the middle pistol's lid and open the banjo case. Van Helgen will accept 
this challenge. 

This game may be a little hard to explain, but anywho, here we go: 
When Edward plays a tune, you will see him plucking a certain string at the end 
of it. Remember the string he hit last, or write it down. One the first duel, 
he will pluck four, on the second, he will pluck give, and on the third, six. 
Once you match him the last time, he will go off on a wild electric guitar 
solo, and Guybrush confides that he will never beat him. Go to the gun pile 
nearby and pick up one of the guns. Shoot Van Helgen's banjo. He will agree 
that you are a real pirate, and join your crew. You will land back at the 
barbershop. 

Cut scene: Off the coast of Plunder Island, some pirates will find the loot 
that passed Guybrush by at the start. They also find LeChuck's boots. They 
throw them in their hold, and then LeChuck reappears and takes over the ship.

Leave Puerto Pollo and go to the beach on the peninsula on the right. Give the 
Brimstone Beach club card to the cabana boy. Pick up three towels from the 
basket nearby. Dip them in the ice bucket. Go onto the beach. Attempt to walk 
to the other side of the beach. Use the three wet towels with the hot sand in 
succession. Pick up the mug from the sunbather and open the nearby gate. Leave 
via the gate. Go to Puerto Pollo and to the lemonade stand on the far left side 
of town. Switch the mug you have with the one the kid has. Talk to the small 
pirate and ask for a drink of lemonade. When he runs off, pick up the pitcher 
he left down. Use the pitcher with the nearby dye vats. Go back to Brimstone 
Beach.
       Use the bottomless mug with the sunbather (Palido) Pour the dye into the 
mug. When Guybrush exclaims that Palido is burning, he will turn over. Use the 
cooking oil with the map tattooed on his back. Pick up the map.

Cut Scene: LeChuck has taken hold of the pirate ship, and turned its crew into 
the undead. LeChuck tells his crew to sail to Monkey Island. He then mentions 
his plan and rejoices about the benefits of being dead.

Go to Danjer Cove, and walk to the rowboat. In your inventory, use the rubber 
plug with the bottle of paste. Use the sticky plug with the gaping hole in the 
boat to make it seaworthy. Use the rowboat and row to the anchored ship. Use 
the serrated bread knife with the plank above your head. Go aboard the ship and 
the first mate, Mr. Fossey, will come out of the ship. He mentions something 
about Guybrush being punished, and eventually he will tell his crew to have 
Guybrush tarred and feathered. When you leave, go back to Puerto Pollo. Go to 
Blondebeard's chicken shop. Thinking you are an evil, seven-foot high, giant 
chicken of Mexican origin, named El Pollo Diablo (Spanish for 'The Devil 
Chicken') he will hit you over the head with a frying pan. You will awaken in 
the hold of the ship in Danjer Cove and discover that Mr. Fossey's captain is a 
chimpanzee... Guybrush judges Mr. Fossey to be an utter loon. _
       Use the book of ventriloquism on captain LeChimp. Guybrush will tell Mr. 
Fossey to set free the whole crew. Once Fossey leaves, pick up the map, and 
leave the boat via the porthole (the window behind the bucket you entered the 
ship in.) Anyway, go to Puerto Pollo again and go to the town hall via the side 
door. Go upstairs and look at the map. They will say something along the lines 
of, if not exactly, this: 

South East
North West
West
South 
East
Two paces North East
East
South West.

X marks the spot!

Anyway, enter that combination into the pad with the buttons. It looks 
something like this:
                                 _____________
                                |             |
                                |  0   0   0  |
                                |             | 
                                |  0       0  | 
                                |             |
                                |  0   0   0  |
                                |_____________|

It won't take a genius to figure out what to do here... Anyway, once Guybrush 
enters the code in correctly, he will mention something like, "That must be 
where the buried Elaine!" Anyway, go downstairs and use the chicken grease on 
the cannon balls in the chest nearby. 
Once the show is over, pick up the shovel and Guybrush will dig up Elaine. He 
will put her in the crow's nest, and then they will sail away towards Blood 
Island.

**------------------------------------***------------------------------------**
** Part Three - Three Sheets To The Wind                                     **
**------------------------------------***------------------------------------**

Guybrush's crew slack off while another ship follows Guybrush and eventually 
boards. It turns out to be Captain Rottingham. He teaches Guybrush about the 
rules of sword fighting on the sea. Eventually, he defeats Guybrush and takes 
your map to Blood Island so he can find the huge diamond. After the battle, 
Guybrush's crew start up an annoying barbershop song. Use the various additions 
until the option of "We'll surely avoid scurvy if we all ear on orange" 
arrives. When it does, use it. The song will stop and we will launch into the 
sword-fighting part of The Curse of Monkey Island. It's my favourite part of 
the whole MI series.

NOTE: I will cover this part in more detail in the 'Sword Fighting' section. 
Head to that section for this part. When you're done, this next part arrives at 
your door:

**------------------------------------***------------------------------------**
** Part Four - The Bartender, The Thieves, His Aunt and Her Lover            **
**------------------------------------***------------------------------------**

Cut-Scene: *Guybrush and his crew sail The Sea Cucumber towards Blood Island, 
but a storm blows up suddenly. His crew have trouble doing their respective 
jobs, and Guybrush steers. The ship goes out of his control, and Guybrush 
blacks out. He wakes up and finds himself lying on the sand. Haggis tells him 
that Edward Van Helgan, Cutthroat Bill and he are going back to being the 
barbers of Plunder Island again.*

Once you regain control of Guybrush again, talk to Haggis and keep mentioning 
the bottle of lotion Haggis has, and how Guybrush would go around getting some 
of it. Stop talking to him after he mentions the tar and pick up the bottle 
lying on the sand. In your inventory, bite the cork off it. Leave the ship and 
go to the cemetery nearby. Walk to the next part of the cemetery, below the 
crypts. Pick up the hammer and chisel that lie close to an uncarved headstone. 
Pick up some hair from the old dog. Give the dog the half-eaten biscuit from 
Plunder Island. Exit the cemetery and go to the strange lights near the 
volcano. Pick up the block of tofu on the table behind you. Walk further right 
and pickup the auger and the measuring cup. Leave the village. Go to the hotel 
and go inside.
       Go to the storage room to the right and use the chisel on the huge block 
of cheese. Pick up the Big Whoop magnet on the fridge. Leave the storage room 
and walk left to the bartender. Pick up the loose cushion from the seat nearby. 
Exit the hotel. Go to the windmill. Pick up one of the peppers from the pepper 
plant and leave again. Go to the beach and use the cushion on the rocks beneath 
the rubber tree. Use the mallet with the rubber tree to get the egg. Return to 
the hotel. Before you go in, walk to the far right of the screen and put some 
of the nacho cheese in the black cooking pot. 
       Go into the hotel and give the egg, pepper, and dog hair to the 
bartender for a hangover remedy. He will mix up some and give the remainder to 
you. Use the chisel with the Head-B-Clear. Stop talking to him and go upstairs. 
Enter the first room.  Use the mallet with the nail in the wall. Go back 
outside and pick up the portrait and the nail nearby on the ground. Guybrush 
will get rid of the evidence. Cut the face out of the portrait. Use the 
portrait with the first door. Go back inside that door, and look through the 
porthole. The bartender will look at you are wonder how his forefather now 
looks so common. Go back downstairs. Pick up the empty jar on the bar counter. 
Use the cut out portrait with the mirror behind the bartender. 
      Talk to the fortuneteller seated at the table across the room. Badger her 
until she will tell you your fortune. When she does so, make her keep giving 
you more tarot cards until you have five. Pick them up. Ask the bartender for a 
drink. When he gives you one, Use the Head-B-Clear with it. Drink the spiked 
drink. Guybrush will end up falling into a deep, unmoved sleep. He is to be 
buried in the crypt in the cemetery. 

Once inside, use the chisel with the coffin to escape. Pick up the nails on the 
coffin lid. A banging will start and Guybrush will get freaked out. Use the 
chisel on the coffin the centre of the room. Stan, your old pal will pop out of 
it and say what he has been doing for the past few months while he was locked 
in the coffin. He will give you a business card. Take it and leave. Go to the 
hotel and go upstairs, into the second room. Jimmy it open with Stan's 
laminated business card. Pull down the bed in the wall. Use the nails from the 
coffin on the bed and the one from the portrait too. Pick up the book from the 
skeleton's grasp.  Return back downstairs and talk to Goodsoup. Say that you 
thought that, if you died, you would be buried with his aunt. Say the line 
starting with "Uncle Griswold!" Say you look a lot like a Goodsoup. Talk about 
Goodsoup history. He should greet you and welcome you to the Goodsoup family.
     Ask for a drink, and spike it again. Drink it. You die and end up in the 
Goodsoup family crypt. Walk to the left, past the ghost (You may talk to her if 
you want to know a bit more background information). Pick up the crowbar in the 
coffin and attempt to look through the crack. Murray will fall down in an 
attempt to scare Guybrush. Pick him up. In your inventory, use the skeleton arm 
with the can of paste. Look through the crack in the wall and use the skeleton 
arm with the lantern.  Take out the lantern and put it on the coffin lid. Use 
Murray with the lantern. Murray will talk evilly, and Guybrush will pull some 
cool shadow puppets, scaring Mort. Exit the crypt. Once you get outside, Murray 
will be lost, sadly. 

Go to the hotel and go inside. Go to the storage room (the nearest room on 
Guybrush's right) and pick up the Death certificate in the filling cabinet. 
Exit this room and go into the bedroom upstairs. Use the crowbar with the 
boarded hole and use the crowbar again to lift up the bed. Minnie Goodsoup will 
find her new love and leave the Goodsoup crypt forever. Guybrush will appear 
and then pick up the engagement band left behind. Exit the crypt.

Cut Scene: LeChuck asks his undead army if they have found Elaine yet. When 
they say they haven't, he commands them to look for Guybrush and they will find 
Elaine with him. He also commands them to bring more slaw.

Go into Stan's. Talk to Stan and ask if you can buy some insurance from him. 
Give him the gold tooth as a payment. When he gives you your policy, show him 
the death certificate. He will have no choice, but to give you your money. 
Return to the hotel and ask the bartender for a drink, this time a tropical one 
with an umbrella in it. When you go outside, go to the village. Put on the tofu 
mask (use the chisel on the tofu, if you haven't already) and walk up to the 
volcano. Talk to Lemonhead. There is a sacrifice planned for the 'volcano God' 
and when it is over, throw some cheese into the volcano. You will be forced to 
run for your life. Go to the hotel
       Get the pot of melted cheese and bring it down to Haggis. Pick up the 
lotion and go to the windmill. Use the umbrella with the windmill blades to get 
to the top.  Use the empty jar with the barrel on the plank. Use the door to 
exit and go to the clearing where Elaine is. Use the chisel with the lid of the 
jar and put the jar on the stump. Put the lid on the jar and pick it up. Go to 
the lighthouse.
       Use the fixed mirror with the broken mirror and use the firefly lantern 
with the post. The lighthouse should work again. Go down to the beach. Use the 
measuring cup with the seawater at the beach. Use the big whoop magnet with the 
voodoo pin. Use the cork (from Cap'n Nick's Shaving Cream bottle) with the 
magnetic pin. Use the cork and pin with the cup of seawater. Give the compass 
to the Mysterious Figure (Flying Welshman). Talk to him and ask him to bring 
you out to Skull Island. When he gets there, Guybrush realises the flaw in 
Skull Island's name. Go to the top of the island and talk to the winch 
operator. Ask if he can lower you down to the smugglers cave. He will, but he's 
really nervous and he ends up letting go of the handle. Guybrush falls off. Use 
the umbrella in mid-air to slow your descent. 
      Enter the cave and talk to King André. Say, "I have got SO much money, 
it's almost embarrassing." Ask if you can make a deal. He will mention playing 
a game of poker. Deal your self in. You will have a weak hand, so put down the 
five tarot cards from Madam Xima and you will win. Nonetheless, Cruff points a 
gun at you and says that he will kill you. The winch operator will open the 
side door just in time to blow out the candles. Guybrush will get the diamond 
and escape before André and Cruff can do anything. The Flying Welshman will 
return you to Blood Island, and then he will retire from his ferryman duties. 
Leave the beach
     
Cut Scene: LeChuck shouts to his army if they have found Elaine yet. Dinghy Dog 
says he has, and LeChuck discovers Elaine and Guybrush are on Blood Island. 

Go to the clearing Elaine is in. Use Haggis's lotion on the cursed ring and 
pull it off. Put the huge diamond in the engagement band. Put the ring on 
Elaine's ring finger.

Cut Scene: Guybrush puts the huge ring on Elaine's hand and when she wakes up, 
she hits Guybrush from her recoil. She asks where they are, and Guybrush 
assures her they both will be alright. Soon after, LeChuck's army surround 
them.

**------------------------------------***------------------------------------**
** Part Five - The Kiss of the Spider Monkey                                 **
**------------------------------------***------------------------------------**

You will fins yourself in the company of LeChuck with Elaine being held 
captive. He will explain his evil plan to you if you talk to him. Converse 
thusly: 

"Elaine will never marry you, she loves me!"
"Anyway, Elaine really loves me."
"Does too love me!"
"Does too. Infinity."

LeChuck will get angry at the last remark, calling you childish, and eventually 
he turns you into a child. Luckily, he leaves the door of the carriage unocked. 
Open the door of the cart and go to the carnival. Push Dinghy Dog™ seven (Count 
'em, seven!) times, enough until he bites you so you can grab some costume 
hair. Talk to Dinghy Dog and ask him how you can win the prizes. Ask him to 
guess what age you are, and, when he loses, ask for the anchor as a reward. Go 
over and pick it up. In your inventory, use the bottle of shaving soap with the 
pie pan and put the anchor inside. Put the pie on the stack of pies near the 
giant rat with the cannon. Ask the attendant (ahem, giant rat _) to fire the 
cannon. The guy in the hole will be randomly knocked out ;-). Open the gate and 
look through the hole in the board. Pick up the miringue. Go to the far right 
and pick up the pepper mill on the snowcone stand. Talk to the attendant and 
ask for a plain snow cone. Put the dog hair, meringue, and pepper on the snow 
cone and eat it. Guybrush returns to normal adult-size and is allowed to ride 
LeChuck's roller coaster of death.

**------------------------------------***------------------------------------**
** Part Six - Guybrush Kicks Butt Once Again                                 **
**------------------------------------***------------------------------------**

Note: Sometimes after you have been on one exhibit for more than when more than 
one carriage goes by, LeChuck will come and attack you, forcing you to leave 
the exhibit. 

Get off the rollarcoaster at the first exhibit. Pick up the fallen rope, near 
the log. Get back on the rollarcoaster and get off at the next stop. Pick up a 
keg of rum from the selection and get back on the train to get off at the next 
diorama. Open the lantern and blow out the flame. Pick up the flask of oil and 
get back on the coaster. Get off at the snow exhibit. Go to the next floor and 
in your inventory, use the piece of rope with the flask of oil. Use the keg of 
rum with the arm of the snow monkey. Use the oiled rope with the keg of rum. 
Return to the lower part of the exhibit and wait for LeChuck to come. When he 
does, wait until he coils back to strike you with his fire and use the pepper 
mill on him. He will sneeze a breath of fire, thus setting fire to the rope, 
which blows up the keg of rum. This is the end of the legend of LeChuck.


*******************************************************************************
**====================================***====================================**
** 3. - Insult Sword Fighting Help                                           **
**====================================***====================================**
*******************************************************************************

                    I - Introduction                      
                   II - Sea Battles 
                         A - Easy Ship Combat
                         B - Ship to Ship Combat
                         C - The 'Fearsome Rating ™'
                  III - Acquiring Cannons
                   IV - The Rules of Sword Fighting and What to do
                    V - Pirate Insults and Comebacks
                   VI - Captain Rottingham Tips, Insults and Comebacks
 
**====================================***====================================**
** I - Introduction                                                          **
**====================================***====================================**

This part of The Curse of Monkey Island is in the 'Three Sheets to the Wind' 
chapter, which is part three. Basically, Guybrush sails around in his pirate 
ship, beating all the pirates nearby and then finally defeating Captain 
Rottingham to get the map to Blood Island back. You must defeat the pirates in 
two areas: Sea battles, and then in insult sword fighting. The Sea battles are 
the easiest part, though. It will be explained further down in this FAQ. 
    Once you beat a pirate in both the sea battle and in insult sword fighting, 
you will receive the treasure that he/she has collected. Likewise, if you lose, 
the opposing pirate will collect the treasure you have in your hold. If you 
have none, they can't take anything, so you might want to spend your treasure 
first. Also, to sail around in the waters near Plunder Island, look at the 
navigational chart that Haggis is looking at which is on the table.

A little note on actually what you're supposed to be doing here. You are 
pirating the waters of Plunder Island in order to get the highest possible rank 
cannon. Once you do, challenge Captain Rottingham so you may get your map to 
Blood Island back. Once you have the map, this part is over.

**====================================***====================================**
** II - Sea Battles                                                          **
**====================================***====================================**

The Sea battles are the first part of defeating a pirate. You must defeat the 
pirate by shooting the cannons at him and attempting to hit him. Once you do, 
you may board his/her ship and attempt to beat him/her at insult sword 
fighting. 

There are two options you can choose, which will determine how hard it will be 
to defeat the other pirates in a sea battle. You can change them by talking to 
Haggis while you are on your ship and he will ask you just after Captain 
Rottingham takes your map and they finish their song. Once you defeat a pirate 
in a sea battle, and lose the sword fight, you won't have to defeat him/her in 
another sea battle to re-board their ship. You can skip straight onto the 
insult sword fighting part after you beat them once.

Also, if you stay still for a while on your boat when looking at the 
navigational chart, you should be able to find the 'Glass Bottom Boat', which 
is really just a ship full of visiting tourists. If you need to practise your 
skills, then mess around here for a while, as they don't fire back and just 
scream helplessly (*Sadistic Grin*). Guybrush seems to think it's bad for 
tourism though ^_^, bless 'im.

**--------------------------------**
-- II.A - Easy Ship Combat:
**--------------------------------**

Easy ship combat is the easier form of Sea Battling, and it means that the rest 
of your crew help you out in strategy, planning and workload when you are 
fighting other pirates. Choose it by saying "I think I'd rather let you guys 
help me out" to Haggis. Usually, you can defeat a pirate in a sea battle by 
getting one or two clear hits on their ship with whatever cannon you have. 
Upgrading your cannons is a better idea in Ship-to-Ship combat than it is in 
this option, but you can upgrade them anyway for fun.

**--------------------------------**
-- II.B - Ship to Ship Combat:
**--------------------------------**

Ship-to-Ship Combat is easily the harder of the two combat choices. Choose it 
by saying, "I love a tough sea battle as much as the next pirate" to Haggis. 
The strength of an opposing ship depends on his/her 'Fearsome Rating ™', which 
is explained further down on this section. It is much wiser to get better 
cannons quicker here, as you need to get more shots in than you did in Easy 
Ship Combat. The higher level your cannons, the farther they shoot.

There. Those are the two styles of combat.

**--------------------------------**
-- II.C - The 'Fearsome Rating ™':
**--------------------------------**

Each Pirate's Fearsome Level rating is based on a number of things taken into 
account, for example, the colour of their ship, the clothing they wear, the 
more piratey their accent, the amount of treasure they have, the range of 
insults and comebacks they have in their vocabulary and the strength of their 
cannons . Due to this fact, Guybrush's ship does 
not yet have a Fearsome Rating, and will doubtfully have enough pirating time 
to get one. The more highly rated a pirate, usually means he/she has more 
treasure, so you will be able to get a higher rated cannon.

The following few levels are each ship's Fearsome Rating. Note that the higher 
their Fearsome Rating, the better their cannons and more varied their insults. 
The Fearsome Rating is here. The higher level a pirate is on the list, the more 
Fearsome he/she is:

Level 9 - Captain Rottingham
Level 6 - Really Fearsome Pirates
Level 5 - Pretty Fearsome Pirates
Level 4 - Mildly Fearsome Pirates
Level 3 - Fearsome Pirates
Level 2 - Semi-Fearsome Pirates
Level 1 - Not Really Fearsome Pirates
Level 0 - Glass Bottom Boat (No cannons. Tourists onboard.)
Unrated - The Sea Cucumber (Guybrush)

Note: This is MY Fearsome Rating. Don't use it!

**====================================***====================================**
** III - Acquiring Cannons                                                   **
**====================================***====================================**

Acquiring cannons is quite simple: the more treasure you have, the better you 
cannons can buy. Your first cannons are really weak, and can't fire very far, 
making them practically useless in sea battles. The higher level your cannons, 
the farther they shoot. I suggest buying cannons up to at least level 4, as 
around this time they start to get good. Cannons can be bought in Puerto Pollo 
at the nearby guns shop, run by Kenny Falmouth. Here are the available cannons 
in his store:

Level 9 - Destructomatic T-47
Level 6 - Mr. Massacre
Level 5 - Paingiver 2000
Level 4 - Holemaker Deluxe
Level 3 - Ouch-Master
Level 2 - Buccaneer's Buddy
Level 0 - Weak Cannons

Note that the weak cannons are the first set of cannons you own. They cannot be 
bought. I can see why... they're terrible!

Of course, the Destructimatic T-47 is the most powerful cannon, but cannot be 
got until you beat all the pirates and then the Really Fearsome Pirates.

**====================================***====================================**
** IV - The Rules of Sword Fighting and What to do                           **
**====================================***====================================**

This version of insult sword fighting is practically the same as in The Secret 
of Monkey Island. It's actually quite easy once you get the hang of it. 
Alright, so once you the opposing pirate in the sea battle, you can board their 
ship. You fight the opposing pirate in a game of insult sword fighting. In this 
game, you insult that pirate, and that pirate gets the chance to use the 
matching comeback for that insult if he has it in his vocabulary of insults. 

Of course, as Captain Rottingham has mentioned, on the sea, all the comebacks 
used have to rhyme with the previous insult... not too tough! Anyway, for 
normal pirates, once you use a valid comeback three times, you beat them and 
you can take their treasure. But, when fighting Captain Rottingham, you must 
use a valid comeback THREE TIMES IN A ROW to beat him so you can get your map 
back and leave the waters around Plunder Island. 

**====================================***====================================**
** V - Pirate Insults and Comebacks                                          **
**====================================***====================================**

There are sixteen insults and sixteen comebacks to be used on average pirates 
in The Monkey Island game. You might want to have at least ten or eleven of 
them in your insult vocabulary when attempting to fight against Captain 
Rottingham. It would be recommended to make sure you have all sixteen, but it 
is not entirely needed. 

Each Insult has '[I]' before it and at the end. Comebacks have '[C]'. There are 
insults first and comebacks after.

The farther down the list it is, the harder it is to find, and is usually rarer 
to find. Only the most fearsome pirates will usually use them, apart from maybe 
one or two.

[I] Every enemy I've met I've annihilated! [I]
[C] With your breath, I'm sure they all suffocated. [C]

[I] You're as repulsive as a monkey in a negligee! [I]
[C] I look that much like your fiancée? [C]

[I] Killing you would be justifiable homicide! [I]
[C] Then killing you must be justifiable fungicide. [C]

[I] You're the ugliest monster ever created! [I]
[C] If you don't count all the ones you've dated. [C]

[I] I'll skewer you like a sow at a buffet! [I]
[C] When I'm done with you, you'll be a boneless filet. [C]

[I] Would you like to be buried, or cremated? [I]
[C] With you around, I'd rather be fumigated. [C]

[I] Coming face to face with me must leave you petrified! [I]
[C] Is that your face? I thought it was your backside. [C]

[I] When your father first saw you, he must have been mortified! [I]
[C] At least mine can be identified. [C]

[I] You can't match my witty repartee! [I]
[C] I could, if you would use some breath spray. [C]

[I] I have never seen such clumsy swordplay! [I]
[C] You would have, but you were always running away. [C]

[I] En Garde! Touché! [I]
[C] Oh, that is so cliché. [C]

[I] Throughout the Caribbean, my great deeds are celebrated! [I]
[C] Too bad they're all fabricated. [C]

[I] I can't rest 'til you've been exterminated! [I]
[C] Then perhaps you should switch to decaffeinated. [C]

[I] I'll leave you devastated, mutilated, and perforated! [I]
[C] Your odour alone makes me aggravated, agitated, and infuriated.

[I] Heaven preserve me! You look like something that's died! [I]
[C] The only way you'll be preserved is in formaldehyde. [C]

[I] I'll hound you night and day! [I]
[C] Then be a good dog, sit! Stay! [C]

**====================================***====================================**
** VI - Captain Rottingham Tips, Insults and Comebacks                       **
**====================================***====================================**

You should be able to defeat Rottingham within about five tries, unless you use 
this guide to help you along the way ^_^. Anyway, you must match Rottingham's 
insults three times in a row to defeat him. 

Captain Rotheringham uses different insults to the rest of the pirate 
community. He is that damn good! If you find all of the comebacks, you will 
certainly be able to beat him. Get about eight or nine at least anyway. Sadly 
you never get a chance to attack him, which really sucks, and makes it a bit 
harder. This part of the section would be the equivalent to fighting Sword 
master Carla in the original Monkey Island game. Nonetheless, it's still not 
too hard... For me, at any rate... 

His insults are written as before, and are as followed:

[I] My attacks have left entire islands depopulated! [I]
[C] With your breath, I'm sure they all suffocated. [C]

[I] You have the sex appeal of a shar-pei! [I]
[C] I look that much like your fiancée? [C]

[I] Your looks would make pigs nauseated! [I]
[C] If you don't count all the ones you dated. [C]

[I] Nothing can stop me from blowing you away! [I]
[C] I could, if you would use some breath spray. [C]

[I] I have never lost a meleé![I]
[C] You would have, but you were always running away. [C]

[I] When I'm done, your body will be rotted and putrefied! [I]
[C] Then killing you must be justifiable fungicide. [C]

[I] You'll find I'm dogged and relentless to my prey! [I]
[C] Then be a good dog, sit! Stay! [C]

[I] My skills with a sword are highly venerated! [I]
[C] Too bad they're all fabricated. [C]

[I] Never before have I faced someone so sissified! [I]
[C] Is that your face? I thought it was you backside. [C]

[I] I can't tell which of my traits have you the most intimidated![I]
[C] Your door alone makes me aggravated, agitated, and infuriated! [C]

[I] Your lips look like they belong on the catch of the day! [I]
[C] When I'm done with you, you'll be a boneless fillet! [C]

[I] Your stench would make an outhouse cleaner irritated! [I]
[C] Then perhaps you should switch to decaffeinated. [C]

[I] Your mother wears a toupee! [I]
[C] Oh, that is so cliché! [C]

That's it for this part of my FAQ. Any other questions will be answered if sent 
to the correct address. 

Note: The Fearsome Rating system is copyright© of I, Conor Cosgrave. No 
Stealing!

*******************************************************************************
**====================================***====================================**
** 4. - Items List                                                           **
**====================================***====================================**
*******************************************************************************

**------------------------------------***------------------------------------**
** Part One - The Demise of LeChuck                                          **
**------------------------------------***------------------------------------**
 _____________________________________________________________________________
|                       |                                                     |
|         Item          |   Description (What Guybrush says about it)         |
|_______________________|_____________________________________________________| 
|                       |                                                     |
| Helium Balloon(s)     | "They're very festive."                             | 
| Ramrod                | "Looks like a ramrod for the cannon."               | 
| Pirate Literature     | "Piracy: The LeChuck way. 'Chapter 1 How to get more|
|                       |  than fifteen men in a dead man's chest'."          |
| Plastic Hook          | "It's Wally's fake pirate hook."                    |
| Gaff                  | "It's a ramrod with a plastic hook stuck on the     |
|                       |  end."                                              |
| Cutlass               | "It's a sharp cutlass."                             |
| Skeleton Arm          | "It's a skeleton arm."                              |
| Bag of Nickels        | "It's a bag of wooden nickels."                     |
| Ring                  | "It's a diamond ring!"                              |
|_______________________|_____________________________________________________|

**------------------------------------***------------------------------------**
** Part Two - The Curse Gets Worse                                           **
**------------------------------------***------------------------------------**
 _____________________________________________________________________________
|                       |                                                     |
|         Item          |   Description (What Guybrush says about it)         |
|_______________________|_____________________________________________________|
|                       |                                                     | 
| Ember on Stick        | "It's a glowing ember, left over from the battle."  |
| Pin                   | "It's a voodoo pin."                                |
| Paste                 | "It's a bottle of paste."                           |
| Pack of Gum           | "Bit-O-Jerky bubblegum."                            |
| Lice                  | "They're, uh, wiggling."                            |
| Glove                 | "It's a glove."                                     |
| Magic Wand            | "It's a magic wand."                                |
| Ventriloquism Book    | "'The A-mfggh-C's of Ventriloquism'."               |
| Paperweight           | "It's a rock, and it's a paperweight!"              |
| Scissors              | "Wow! I bet those could cut through anything."      |
| Jawbreaker            | "It's only got a little bit of spit and hair on it."|
| Flyer                 | "'Feeling down 'cause your chick's turned to gold?  |
|                       |  Come to the swamp! Get your fortune told! Voodoo   |
|                       |  'n' Things (Formerly Just Voodoo. Visit our new    | 
|                       |  location on Plunder Island)'"                      |
| Ipecac Flower         | "It's an ipecac flower."                            |
| Faberge Egg           | "It's a priceless, delicate Faberge egg."           |
| Vacuum Cleaner...     | (Attachments)"It's a complete array of vacuum       |
|                       |  cleaner attachments."                              |
| Old Phone Books       | "The Plunder Island Yellow Pages."                  |
| Encyclopaedia         | "It's volume 'C' and it's mostly digested. I can    |
|                       |  only make out page 243. 'A compass is a magnetised |
|                       |  bit of metal, floating in a solution.' What a      |
|                       |  completely random piece of trivia."                |
| Top-Secret Plans      | "I hate to think what would happen if these fell    |
|                       |  into the wrong hands."                             |
| Stuffed Dinghy Dog    | "He's wearing a little shirt that says 'I Whooped It|
|                       |  Up At Big Whoop'."                                 |
| Reservation Slip      | "It's a reservation slip for Blondebeard's Chicken  |
| Spare Tyre            | "It's a tread that just grips the road and won't let|
|                       |  go."                                               |
| Naturalist Remains    | "It's the remains of the Plunder Island Naturalist  |
|                       |  Society. Those guys sure are dedicated."           |
| Pancake Syrup         | "Mmmmm...Maple."                                    |
| Pancakes              | "It's a stack of big, fluffy pancakes."             |
| Sausage               | "Ooooh! Thick, fatty sausage patties."              |
| Eggs                  | "Two eggs, over easy."                              |
| Coffee                | "It's a big steaming cup o' joe."                   |
| Syrup of Ipecac       | "It's syrup of Ipecac, same as the kind used in     |
|                       |  hospitals."                                        |
| Hollow Reed           | "It's a hollow reed."                               |
| Thorn                 | "It's a sharp thorn."                               |
| Pea Shooter           | "It's just like the ones all the natives are using  |
|                       |  these days."                                       |
| Serrated Bread Knife  | "It's a very sharp knife."                          |
| Tasty, Buttery Biscuit| "That looks delicious."                             |
| Half-Eaten Maggoty... | (...Biscuit)"Mmmmmm...Maggoty                       |
| Maggots               | "It's a heaping handful of healthy, wriggling       |
|                       |  maggots."                                          |
| Pie Pan               | "It's a pie pan."                                   |
| Biscuit Cutter        | "It's a round biscuit cutter."                      |
| Club Card             | "It's a membership card to Brimstone Beach Club."   |
| Rubber Plug           | "It's a large rubber plug                           |
| Sticky Rubber Plug    | "It's a large rubber plug with paste all over it."  |
| Dry Towel             | "This is a nice, dry fluffy towel."                 |
| Dry Towels (2)        | "I have two dry towels."                            |
| Dry Towels (3)        | "I have three towels."                              |
| Wet Towel             | "This is an ice cold, wet towel."                   |
| Wet Towels (2)        | "I have two wet towels."                            |
| Wet Towels (3)        | "I have three wet towels."                          |
| Mug                   | "It's one ugly mug. It's also empty."               |
| Cooking Oil           | "It's coconut cooking oil."                         |
| Pistol                | "It's a loaded pistol."                             |
| Gold Tooth            | "It's a gold tooth."                                |
| Chewed Gum            | "It's some pre-chewed, meat flavoured gum."         |
| Gold Tooth in Gum     | "It's a gold tooth in some gum."                    |
| Chicken Grease        | "It's all over everything."                         |
| Treasure Map          | [*Looks at the map*]                                |
| Bottomless Mug        | "It's a mug with a hole in the bottom."             |
| Pitcher               | "It's an empty pitcher."                            |
| Pitcher with Red Dye  | "It's full of red dye."                             |
| Map                   | "It's the map to Blood Island, peeled off Palido's  |
|                       |  back."                                             |
|_______________________|_____________________________________________________|

**------------------------------------***------------------------------------**
** Part Three - Three Sheets to the Wind                                     **
**------------------------------------***------------------------------------**

No items available to pick up in this part of the game.

**------------------------------------***------------------------------------**
** Part Four - The Bartender, The Thieves, His Aunt, and her Lover           **
**------------------------------------***------------------------------------**
 _____________________________________________________________________________
|                       |                                                     |
|         Item          |   Description (What Guybrush says about it)         |
|_______________________|_____________________________________________________|
|                       |                                                     |
| Cap'n Nick's Shaving  | (...Soap)"Foamy."                                   |
| Cork                  | "Nice Cork."                                        |
| Pepper                | "It's a chilli pepper."                             |
| Chisel                | "It's the gravedigger's chisel."                    |
| Mallet                | "It's a big wooden mallet."                         |
| Smelly Dog Hair       | "It's hair of that dog that bit me."                |
| Block of Tofu         | "It's a large cube of tofu."                        |
| Auger                 | "It's an auger."                                    |
| Measuring Cup         | "It's decorative, yet functional."                  |
| Refrigerator Magnet   | "It's a 'Big Whoop' souvenir magnet."               |
| Un-Metled Hunk of...  |(...Nacho Cheese) "Mmmm."                            |
| Brochure              | "'Visit Big Whoop! Do it right now!' But there's no |
|                       |  maps or pictures."                                 |
| Cushion               | "It's a soft cushion."                              |
| Tarot Card            | "It's a tarot card that says 'DEATH'."              |
| Tarot Cards (2)       | "I've got two 'DEATH' cards."                       |
| Tarot Cards (3)       | "Three 'DEATH' cards. I wonder if it means          |
|                       |  something..."                                      |
| Tarot Cards (4)       | "Four 'DEATH' cards. If I were the suspicious       |
|                       |  sort..."                                           |
| Tarot Cards (5)       | "I've got five 'DEATH' cards. That can't be good."  |
| Egg                   | "It's a big egg."                                   |
| Head-B-Clear          | "'Head-B-Clear: For clearing foggy heads'"          |
| Empty Jar             | "It says 'We Welcome Your Tips!'"                   |
| Jar Lid               | "It's the lid to the tip jar from the hotel."       |
| Jar Lid (w/ holes)    | "It's a jar lid with lots of holes poked in it."    |
| Nail                  | "It's a heavy-duty picture-hanging nail."           |
| Portrait              | "This is one ugly picture. Looks just like the      |
|                       |  bartender."                                        |
| Face                  | "It's the face that I cut out of the Goodsoup       |
|                       |  portrait."                                         |
| Portrait (cut out)    | "It's a Goodsoup family portrait, but I've cut out  |
|                       |  the face."                                         |
| Umbrella              | "It's a 'Cevantes' brand umbrella. Very stylish."   |
| Coffin Nails          | "Now THESE are high grade nails."                   |
| Laminated Business... | (...card) "'Mutual of Stan: Because you could die   |
|                       | horribly ay any moment.' It's even laminated!"      |
| Mirror                | "It's me!"                                          |
| Goodsoup Family...    | (...History)"'The Goodsoups: A Life in Pictures by  |
|                       |  M.M. Goodsoup'. It's full of all the dates and fun |
|                       |  facts you'd ever want to know about the Goodsoup   |
|                       |  family. And it says I'll receive a new book every  |
|                       |  month or cancel without any obligation and keep my |
|                       |  copy of 'Buccaneers and Bouillabaisse' as a free   |
|                       |  gift."                                             |
| Insurance Policy      | "This entitles the bearer of this document to the   |
|                       |  sum of a lot of money."                            |
| Crowbar               | "It's a universal crowbar."                         |
| Murray                | "He just can't stop jammering."                     |
| Lantern               | "It's a glowing lantern."                           |
| Death Certificate     | "This hereby certifies that [insert Goodsoup name   |
|                       |  here] met his demise on Blood Island."             |
| Insurance Money       | "This is a lot of money!"                           |
| Jar of Water          | "It's full of sugar water."                         |
| Lantern               | "It's full of glowing fireflies."                   |
| Pin (magnetised)      | "Cool! A magnetic pin!"                             |
| Cork                  | "It's a cork with a magnetic pin stuck in it."      |
| Measuring Cup         | "It's full of sea water."                           |
| Compass               | "I admit, I had my doubts at first, but it looks    |
|                       |  really nice all put together."                     |
| Enormous Diamond      | "Wow! It's huge! And not a curse on it!"            |
| Slippery Greasy Hand… | (…Lotion)"It says 'Made with 100% pure lamb blubber'|
|                       |  Hmmm... Soothing AND nutritious."                  |
|_______________________|_____________________________________________________|

**------------------------------------***------------------------------------**
** Part Five - The Kiss of the Spider Monkey                                 **
**------------------------------------***------------------------------------**
 _____________________________________________________________________________
|                       |                                                     |
|         Item          |   Description (What Guybrush says about it)         |
|_______________________|_____________________________________________________|
|                       |                                                     |
| Dinghy Dog™ hair      | "It looks an awful lot like genuine dog hair."      |
| Anchor                | "This anchor looks good, heavy, and useful."        |
| Fake Pie              | "It's a pie pan full of shaving cream."             |
| Heavy Fake Pie        | "It's a heavy pie pan full of shaving cream."       |
| Meringue Pie          | "It's a bunch of bits of meringue from the pie."    |
| Pepper Mill           | "It's a big pepper mill."                           |
| Plain Snow Cone       | "It's a plain snow cone."                           |
| Disgusting Snow Cone  | "It's a disgusting snow cone, topped with fluffy,   |
|                       |  whipped egg whites, synthetic hair from the dog    |
|                       |  that bit me and fresh ground pepper."              |
| Soggy Paper Cone      | "It's all that's left of my snow cone."             |
|_______________________|_____________________________________________________|

**------------------------------------***------------------------------------**
** Part Six - Guybrush Kicks Butt Once Again                                 **
**------------------------------------***------------------------------------**
 _____________________________________________________________________________
|                       |                                                     |
|         Item          |   Description (What Guybrush says about it)         |
|_______________________|_____________________________________________________|
|                       |                                                     |
| Fallen Rope           | "It's a sturdy piece of rope."                      |
| Keg o' Rum            | "It's a great big keg of rum."                      |
| Flask o' Oil          | "It's a flask of lamp oil."                         |
| Fallen Rope (Oily)    | "It's a piece of rope soaked in lamp oil."          |
|_______________________|_____________________________________________________|


*******************************************************************************
**====================================***====================================**
** 5. - Song Lyrics                                                          **
**====================================***====================================**
*******************************************************************************

You may notice as you play that there are various songs sung throughout the 
game. Though sadly, they are all Barbershop songs (Grrrr... I was looking 
forward to hearing Guybrush's Death Metal grunt). Only one of these seriously 
effects game play, and that is the final one, 'A Pirate I was Meant To Be'. It 
is sung at the start of Part Three. The other five can be found by talking to 
Edward Van Helgan at the 'Barbery Coast' in Puerto Pollo and asking if you may 
audition for the fourth in the Barbershop Quartet.

  I - 'There's a Monkey In My Pocket'
 II - 'Plunder on My Mind'
III - 'Wooden Leg, Restless Heart'
 IV - 'I've got a Friend in The Ocean'
  V - 'Silver's Long Johns'
 VI - 'A Pirate I Was Meant To Be'

          *        *        *

'There's a Monkey in my Pocket'
(Threepwood)

Oh, there's a monkey in my pocket 
and he's stealing all my change! 
His stare is black and glassy, 
I suspect that he's deranged.

          *        *        *

'Plunder on my Mind'
(Threepwood)

Plunder, plunder, 
How I wonder
How'd ya get
So doggone pretty.

Home to sailers,
Barbers, tailors.
And Puerto Pollo 
Your capitol city.

          *        *        *

'Wooden Leg, Restless Heart'
(Threepwood)

I'm hooked on you baby!
But the seas keep us apart.
And there ain't no eyepatch big enough
To cover up my broken heart.

          *        *        *

'I've got a Friend in The Ocean'
(Threepwood)

Once my old man spoke to good King Triton...
And asked 'Why all this senseless fightin'?'
'Why can't we men express emotion?'
And now I've got a friend in... (the ocean?)

          *        *        *

'Silver's Long Johns'
(Threepwood)

For those cold dark ship board nights
We've got boxers, briefs and tights

Made from cotton, silk or satin...
In styles Anglo, Dutch or Latin...

When you sail don't take a chance,
Wearing nothing beneath your pants.

Trust silver's long johns...
(They breathe!)

          *        *        *

Note: H denotes a line sung by haggis, 
      B denotes a line sung by Cutthroat Bill,
     VH denotes a line sung by Edward Van Helgan
     GT denotes a line sung by Guybrush.
     Cr denotes a line sung by the three barbers

'A Pirate I Was Meant to Be'
(Threepwood/McMutton/Cutthroat/Van Helgan)

H :  We're a band of vicious pirates!
VH: A sailing out to sea!
B :  When you hear our gentle singing...
H :  You'll be sure to turn and flea!
 
GT: Oh, this is getting ridiculous...

GT: Come on men! We've got to recover that map!
B:  A pirate will be done for when he falls into our trap!
B:  We're a club of tuneful rovers
H:  We've been singing every cleff
VH: We can even hit the high notes
H:  It's just too bad we're tone deaf!

Cr:    A pirate I was meant to be! Trim the sails and roam the sea!

GT: Lets go defeat that evil pirate!
VH: We know he's sure to lose because we know just where to fire at.
VH: We're thieving balladeers
H: A gang of cutthroat mugs!
B: To fight us off you won't need guns
VG: Just jolly good earplugs!

Cr:    A pirate I was meant to be! Trim the sails and roam the sea!

GT: Alright crew, let's get to work!
H:  Our vocation is a thing we love, a thing we'd never shirk
H:  We'll fight you in the harbour
B:  We'll battle you on land!
VH: But when you meet singin' pirates
GT: They'll be more than you can stand...
B:  Oh! That was a good one!
GT: No, it wasn't!

GT: No time for song, we've got to move!
B:  The battle will be long and hard but our courage we will prove.
B:  We're a pack o' scurvy sea dogs
H:  Have we pity? Not a dram!
VH: We all eat roasted garlics...
H:  And sing from the diaphragm.

Cr:    A pirate I was meant to be! Trim the sails and roam the sea!

GT: Less singing, more sailing...
VH: When we defeat our wicked foe, his ship he will be bailing!
VH: If you try to fight us
H:  You will get a nasty whackin'
B:  If you disrespect our singing
H:  We' will feed ya to a kraken!

Cr:    A pirate I was meant to be! Trim the sails and roam the sea!

GT: I'm getting so sick of you guys and your rhyming...
H:  We're ready to set sail, though the cannons need a priming.
VH: We're troublesome corsairs 
B:  And we've come to steal your treasure.
H:  We would shoot you in a downbeat
B:  But we have to rest five measures.

Cr:    A pirate I was meant to be! Trim the sails and roam the sea!

GT: Stop! Stop! Stop!
B:  The brass is what we'll polish and the deck is what we'll mop!
GT: You say you're nasty pirate scheming thieving bad bushwhackers! From what
    I've seen I'll tell you, you're not pirates, you're just slackers!

Cr:    A pirate I was meant to be! Trim the sails and roam the sea!

GT: (*slyly*) We'll surely avoid scurvy if we all eat an orange...
H:  And!
B:  ...um...
VH: Well...
H:  Er...
B:  Door hinge?
H:  No, no.
B:  Guess the songs over then...
VH: Guess so. Okay, back to work...
GT: Well, gee I feel a little guilty now...

*******************************************************************************
**====================================***====================================**
** 6. - Outro                                                                **
**====================================***====================================**
*******************************************************************************

Thanks to everyone that helped in the making of this Guide. All the people 
that, even though it may have been minor, have helped. Thanks! to the reader, 
I hope I have been of some use throughout this guide. Feel free to distribute 
it as you please if it has indeed been useful.
 

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